Healing From A Hurtful Family Relationship

 

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Relationships between parents, siblings, spouses, and between kids can be very complicated paradoxes of love and hate, happiness, and frustration. It seems like we don’t want them in our lives sometimes, but we just can’t live without them. We build behavioral patterns and subconscious systems of hurtful feelings established by recurring events associated with one’s sense of worth and authority that perhaps started even when we were still infants. Families can provoke these patterns of hurtful emotions from coming out into the present.

For instance, maybe when you were still a child, your older sister hit and punched you most of the time and would often call you a ‘moron.’ She would do this because she was nine, nobody was looking, and also because a student had punched her too. You were six, and no one was there to help you during those years, so you fixed some impressions about your sister, yourself, and your relationship that up until today make you feel hurt, angry, and embarrassed, in the present.

However, your sister’s good now, you’re both in your mid-forties, and you’re the town’s favorite doctor, but you do still feel like a moron when you’re around her. Perhaps you still feel that old part of your relationship, like a pebble in your shoe that just wouldn’t want to get out of there and make you completely comfortable. It’s making your relationship feel less fulfilling that it should be.

Going Through The Dynamics And Healing The Family

Most families have been able to deal with this kind of family dynamic effectively. In a lot of family relationships, however, the painful even or series of events is graver than that, and this establishes a long-term pain in the heart and mind or a repetition of emotions that keeps the anxiety and stress linger within the family.

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When you forgive, you gather strength that allows you to be yourself when you are with your family and loved ones. You’ll be able to set healthy restrictions, and the love that you feel inside will eventually soften the rough ends and enable you to be happy with the people around you. It is an amazing experience when an individual does decide to forgive and how it works wonders for the family. Soon, the ripples flow throughout all the members and will change the dynamics of it all.

Forgive To Move Forward

When a more difficult situation of neglect, disruption, or disloyalty within family members happens, there is more reason to forgive and show unconditional love. These emotional rifts can make you feel unwell and broken inside, and it most definitely could drain you of your energy up to the point of fixation on the negativity.

Bitterness causes you to consciously or unconsciously hurt your own person. This is why you must offer forgiveness towards your family members so that you can take back your own self-respect. What is a completely different concern, though, is whether or not you will stay within your marriage with your partner, or agree to just let your disrespectful aunt attend your family dinner, or perhaps take your legal matters with your cousin to court. But first, forgive the other person first and then decide on your restrictions and appropriate actions to make, and then stick to that decision. When you forgive, you feel a cleansing from inside, slowly feeding your soul with positivity, peace, and calm. Ultimately, the greatest gift that forgiveness gives is mental cleansing.

Clearing It Out With The Family

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Putting the drama aside, the members of your family are in your circle for the rest of your life – to cherish memories with, to share experiences from, and to live out life through the good and bad as a family. There is so much more than pain and bitterness in your relationships if you intentionally see the positive things in people and be responsible for clearing it out with the family member or members concerned.

My Story

As for me, I am grateful that I have finally taken that step of forgiveness towards my mother, which was the most hurtful relationship that I’ve ever established with anyone in my family. She was a consistent drug addict up until I was fifteen. I was the eldest and more ways than one, I was the one who was most affected by this family illness.

For twenty years, I loathed my mom, dreaded the moments that I know I couldn’t help but see and talk to her. This caused me to keep myself isolated from my whole family for quite some time. My lingering and long-term bitter and hurt emotions toward my mother kept me from seeing and keeping connected with my siblings as well. They didn’t have the same history that I had with her, and they could not comprehend the negativity that I was feeling toward this smart and admirable woman that they now know in the present. My younger brother would whisper into my dad’s ear after our dinners, “Why does Claire hate us so much?” My mom would answer her, “She doesn’t hate you, dear – only me.”

The Healing

The process of forgiving my mother was long and winding, with several rough patches along the way. It took me six years, actually, to entirely heal the damaged relationship. My deep cuts healed rather very slowly because of the extreme anger that I had suppressed from when I was a little girl – the thought of her mistreating me, shouting at me, and throwing whatever she could put her hands on. It was painful. I did a lot of work to forgive her, and I didn’t make it easy on her, either, even if I didn’t do it intentionally.

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But through those years, each parcel of forgiveness that I fulfilled gave me more strength and helped me get away from the prison of rage and hatred that I was in. As I was slowly healing, the hatred was substituted with unconditional love that blossomed between my mother and me. From the initial awkwardness in our attempts to build a connection, there became a free will to show compassion and care and respect. We finally found the peace that we needed during the simple and joyous moments – watching a family movie together or talking strolls in the neighborhood. Our talks and breaks became more natural. And when she passed away, our bond was completely mended, my loss for her was subtle, light, and easy.

 

 

 

The Significance Of Emotional Stability In This Health Crisis

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You may be wondering right now about the future of the world in the hands of the Coronavirus. With all the possibility of losing everything, you may have already managed to find a way to cope with specific situations. Perhaps by now, you already get used to the “new normal” everyone is talking about. But are you really convinced that you can live with it? If you can rate your situation right now, would you say that somehow things around you will get better even if the situation continues to be miserable?

Answering a question like that in uncertain times like this is entirely uncalled for. No individual in this world can assure themselves that things around them will be okay. Everyone feels the same way. All people are vulnerable to stress, anxiety, and depression, and these things can cause significant damage to overall health. So what can you do about it?

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Keeping Emotions Intact

Understandably, there are things you can’t control. Take this pandemic as an example. So given the idea that you feel hopeless and useless in this situation, you get emotional. By emotional, it means you depend too much on what you think that you often ignore rational thinking. No, it is not an exaggeration because, as of this moment, you already felt sad thinking that you are weak and incapable of doing anything to get rid of the situation. Is that right?

But if I am wrong, perhaps the emotional turmoil you have is not about what you can contribute to the betterment of the world. Instead, it is about surviving this whole global health crisis. If that is the case, you deem to obtain assurance. You want to know how you will be able to survive and live through life like this. Admittedly, you do not like the “new normal” things that people are doing now. Perhaps it’s a bit of a hassle and lot likely inconvenient on most on your part. Therefore, the guarantee of frustration and anger is there.

So with all these immeasurable emotional burdens and mental stress you have, you know you can do better than just always think about negative things. Instead of focusing on what you can do, why don’t you let your creativity get on the stage? Allow your emotions to be like that. Honestly, it is okay to feel sad, worried, and angry because those are the emotions you need in a time like this. But after feeling that, you need to come up with a better plan to manage them and use them to your advantage.

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Allow Self-Healing

I bet what you don’t get from this situation is the realization of the possibility of you becoming a better version of yourself. For most of these emotional battles you have right now, recognizing the pain and sorrow is the tricky one. So when you can finally acknowledge these issues, then that is the time you can make way for self-healing.

When you self-heal, you lose all the contact to negativity. You begin to picture things from a different perspective, and you come up with better solutions that can change your life. You begin to appreciate yourself and all the things you can do. You become happy and contented despite living with all the uncertainties.

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Final Thoughts

If you are still confused about managing your unwanted emotions, you might want to start letting them in. Feel and endure them until they no longer hurt you anymore. That way, you can allow yourself to develop not just emotional strength but also mental awareness. Just hold onto yourself.

Benefits Of Attending Culinary Events

My friends and fellow cooking enthusiasts have been bugging me to attend a culinary conference with them for years. They kept on telling me that it was nothing like I had ever seen before, that I would understand why they loved it too much. So, in hopes of making their chatter stop, I decided to go to the 2019 Culinary Event.

In truth, I was half-expecting to be able to utter, “I told you so.” I thought the convention would only have Michelin-star chefs in formal attires, talking about their success and failures. I did see that, but there were also other benefits attending culinary events such as:

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Finding New Cooking Tools

As soon as I entered the hall, I saw a wide array of cooking tools that I had not used in the past. E.g., 10-in-1 multi-cooker, egg or pancake shapers, layered condiment storage, and many more. I went out with shopping bags and a depleted wallet, but I had no regrets.

Getting Crash Courses To Chopping, Baking, Etc.

Despite being an avid cook, I have never gone to culinary school. I learn everything from the internet; I have not seen a real chef cook or bake in person. Thus, it feels humbling to see the experts do it and teach you how.

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Tasting New Flavors

Undoubtedly, cooking expos won’t be complete without vendors selling new spices and dishes. Some come with jars of condiments that may be foreign to you. Others showcase their alternatives to various foods. The best part is that they will allow you to do an impromptu taste testing.

Final Thoughts

The only thing that made my mood sour on that day was when my friends exclaimed, “We told you so!” But I got over it quickly because I was genuinely thankful to them for dragging me to the conference. Now, I look forward to the next culinary event that I will attend.

How To Keep Food From Getting Spoiled?

The 2018 Food Safety Summit is highly memorable for me due to two events that have taken place after that. First, everything that I learned from it helped me ensure that none of the foods I prepared for our Super Bowl party would get spoiled. Second, I managed to go camping for a few days and keep the meat we had from going bad.
In case you have gone through the pain of seeing your hard work go to waste before, I come bearing tips from the said convention. Here are a few ways to maintain the freshness of foods:

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Dehydrating Food
Considering you belong to a family of avid campers, there’s a way to avoiding canned goods in the wild: food dehydration. It is effortless to cut them to pieces at least a month before the trip, lay them out on a rack, and then take them out in the sun to dry. If you want to speed things up, though, you may buy an electric dehydrator. Then, before cooking, you only need to put the dried items in the water to rehydrate them.
Not Washing Raw Harvests
Raw vegetables and fruits should have a long shelf life when you put them in the refrigerator. The coldness can keep them fresh and stop over-ripening. However, you inevitably worsen the situation by washing the food items before refrigerating them because it causes mold formation. Try to wipe the harvests clean instead.

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Cooling Before Covering Hot Foods
A lot of kitchen newbies commit the same mistake of covering hot foods while waiting for guests to arrive. In your head, you may assume that it’s the best way to make it seem like the dish is fresh off the stove. In reality, the heat build and water condensation inside can spoil it. You can partially cover the food to ensure that some of the heat can escape and not ruin your masterpiece.

When you follow these tips, you may never need to throw out food before even devouring it.