The Psychology Of Adult ADHD – How To Keep Being In A Relationship Amidst The Issues

Your partner is an adult person with ADHD, and you thought, this is just fine. Well, you are in for a ride. The challenges will be frustrating, but love can conquer all, right?

Tips On How To Handle ADHD-Related Issues With Your Significant Other


Study up on ADHD. It’s easier to prevent ADHD from significantly affecting your relationship if you know how it works and its symptoms. (For the both of you)


Know the implications of the behavior. If your partner is doing his or her best to understand your ADHD issues by practicing self-control, then you should also do your best to manage your symptoms. Don’t just dismiss their concerns but instead work on them. (For the ADHD adult)


Separate your partner from the condition. Always remember that the symptoms and responses your partner experiences like forgetfulness and nagging aren’t part of their character traits. (For the non-ADHD adult)


How The Partner With ADHD Often Feels:


Different. The mind of people with ADHD operates differently compared to those without ADHD.


Overwhelmed, usually because of the symptoms. The symptoms of ADHD can give stress to both of you.


Subordinate to their partners or spouses. Men who are often corrected by their partners can feel incompetent or emasculated which is a relationship breaker.


Shamed. People with ADHD feel a considerable amount of shame whenever their symptoms act up.


Unloved and unwanted. Constant negative criticisms can make them feel unloved and unwanted.


Afraid to fail again. The worse their relationship becomes, the more scared adults with ADHD will be in trying still due to fear of failure.


Longing to be accepted. People with ADHD will always want to be loved no matter their flaws. Everyone, even without ADHD, long for that.


How The Non-ADHD Partner Often Feels:


Unwanted or unloved. The non-ADHD partner may misinterpret their partner’s distraction as a sign of not wanting them.


Angry and emotionally blocked. There can be times wherein the non-ADHD partner feels resentment towards their ADHD partner but end up bottling their feelings to avoid outbursts. It is not a good way to cope with anger and can destroy everything once it all comes out.


Incredibly stressed out. Since they are the ones mostly responsible for a lot of tasks, their stress levels can go through the roof.


Ignored and offended. Whenever an ADHD person doesn’t do what they are told to do or act on their partner’s request, the non-ADHD partner may misinterpret this as being ignored.


Exhausted and depleted. Since they are the ones who have a lot of tasks and responsibilities, feeling exhausted is normal but irritating.

Frustrated. If problems keep on repeating again and again, this will cause frustration.


Take Responsibility For Your Role


If you have understood what it’s like to be your partner and you know where he or she is coming from, then you should take responsibility for your role. Both of you should be aware of your duties in saving the relationship.


The symptoms of ADHD can indeed cause arguments, but the person with ADHD isn’t the one solely to blame. The non-ADHD partner must be accountable especially with his or her reactions. 


Break Free From The Parent-Child Dynamic


Some people feel like they’re with a child instead of an adult who has ADHD. This happens when the ADHD partner fails to do the tasks assigned to them. As a result, the non-ADHD partner has to do the said responsibilities, and it is a cause for anger and arguments.


If the problems aren’t solved soon, the resentment between each other may only grow. You should break this cycle by first trying to calm down, talk about the situation two or three times until the ADHD partner understands fully without criticisms, and let go of the unnecessary issues.

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